“It was time to heal. I had to stop creating a life that I could not
live. It was time for the pain and suffering to stop. There was too
much pain. I will die if the pain continues. Why does my life keep
ending up in the same place? Abusive marriages, divorces, lawyers,
legal suits – people in my life that had alcoholism, mental illness and
abusive behavior, all telling me that I am the problem. Why did I keep
creating and recreating everything I did not want and vowed not to have
in my life?
In the process of the healing – soul searching – reading of books –
discussing – studying – therapy; seemingly insignificant scenes from my
childhood kept entering my mind. The scenes were overpowering me,
forcing me to look at and relive the feelings that I was having at the
time. I began writing down the stories and discovered very meaningful
messages that I was given as a child, messages that imprinted me and
shaped my life’s existence. These scenes and the feelings they created
caused me to experience a repetitive pattern. It did not matter if the
imprints were intended to create this pattern, only that it was the
pattern it created in me. Until I was genuinely ready and able to look
at my imprints and beliefs, where they came from and release them – the
pattern would remain.”
Negative imprints, beliefs, thinking and emotions cause a great deal of
mental, emotional and physical distress. Negative thoughts and worry
sink deep and can control your life. There is power in how you perceive
your past, your relation to it and your world . Awareness of how your
past affects and guides will help stop the vicious cycle
‘Daddy Throws Me In The Air’ is a journey through childhood memories to
awareness. It includes a process to assist in releasing negative
imprints and beliefs.
My life is my gift to you.
He turns and looks at me, as I softly ask. “Daddy, do you mean that?”
His eyes tear as he answers. “If you had never been born, your mother
would not have had a breakdown. If you had never been born, she would
be okay – like she was when we first met. She was more like you are
then. She was happy and full of – of life and now…”
“You said this is not the way things are supposed to be with me. So
you think at the age of one that I caused her to have a breakdown? Was
I, at the age of one supposed to experience that? Do you ever think
about what that did to me as a baby, to have a mother become catatonic
then put into a mental institution? Was that supposed to happen?
Tears enter my Dad’s eyes almost as if he had never thought about the affect all that had on me as a one-year-old.
Dad doesn’t answer. He just stares ahead.
Ayn Dillard has experienced much prompting much self-reflection. She is a
self-proclaimed know-it-all and is sharing some of what she knows with
you. She acknowledges that just when you think you know everything, your
inner or outer world shifts. For you to realize that you don’t know
much of anything, encouraging you to dig deeper to discover an even more
profound awareness and wisdom. Understanding this, she shares what she
has gleaned from her experiences and life to assist others to become
more aware. She is a former ballet dancer, and former interior designer. To order go to : http://blog.womenexplode.com/2017/10/initial-book-offering-daddy-throws-me-in-the-air/