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Personal Liberty Exam

This was just published this morning. If you didn't see it...you now have a chance to challenge your ???President Barack Obama is responding to the growing threat from islamofascist terrorism by:
  1. Assembling a crack team of analysts to come up with the best solution.
  2. Assembling a crack team of operatives to liquidate the terrorists’ leadership.
  3. Assembling a crack team of allies to isolate the terrorists.
  4. Assembling a crack team of cronies to play 18 at Farm Neck Golf Club.
In the caliphate imagined by ISIS:
  1. Everyone will enjoy religious tolerance.
  2. Everyone will enjoy intellectual freedom.
  3. Everyone will enjoy basic hygiene.
  4. Everyone will enjoy weekly honor killings.
The Gaza conflict is a result of:
  1. Hamas’ refusal to stop attacking civilians from behind other civilians.
  2. Israel’s refusal to allow Hamas to fire artillery at Israeli kindergartners.
  3. Hamas’ refusal to use foreign aid money for anything other than weapons.
  4. Israel’s stubborn refusal to stop being so damned Jewish.
The most influential world leader is:
  1. Vladimir Putin.
  2. Angela Merkel.
  3. Whichever Chinese guy is next to be purged by the Central Committee.
  4. Valerie Jarrett.
President Obama’s biggest foreign policy success has been:
  1. Arming both (all) sides of the Syrian/ISIS/Iraq combatants.
  2. Not scuffing Russia’s tires on their way into the Ukraine.
  3. Knifing Israel in the back.
  4. First lady Michelle Obama’s European shopping adventures.
Obama has expanded surveillance of Americans because:
  1. It’s important to know who might be planning terrorist activities.
  2. It’s important to know who might be planning criminal activities.
  3. It’s important to know who might have donated money to the Tea Party.
  4. It’s important to know what you buy on eBay.
The politically motivated IRS harassment of innocent taxpayers was initiated by:
  1. High-ranking Obama administration officials, possibly including Obama himself.
  2. Rogue agents acting roguishly.
  3. Lois Lerner’s hard drive, which became self-aware and immediately committed suicide.
  4. The janitor in the IRS’s Cincinnati field office.
Operation Fast and Furious is:
  1. A secret program in which the Obama Administration sold guns to terrorists and then lied about it to Congress.
  2. A secret program to identify the best actor to replace Paul Walker.
  3. A secret program to put an oversized spoiler on every Honda Civic in America.
  4. A secret program to make drift racing seem less ridiculous.
The situation along the U.S.-Mexico border could best be described as:
  1. The unavoidable result of Obama’s total incompetence.
  2. Chaotic danger.
  3. Dangerously chaotic.
  4. The future of America; and you better get used to it, gringo.
The recent San Francisco-area earthquakes were caused by:
  1. A nearby fault line.
  2. Nancy Pelosi’s excessive water usage and/or flatulence.
  3. Football fans jumping on the 49ers bandwagon.
  4. “Global warming.”
Tropical Storm Cristobal was caused by:
  1. A combination of low atmospheric pressure, warm water and insufficient wind shear.
  2. College students partying away the last days of summer on South Beach.
  3. Obama’s continued refusal to close Guantanamo Bay.
  4. “Global warming.”
Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid is floundering because
  1. She’s “flat broke.”
  2. Her latest book sales are almost as low as Obama’s poll numbers
  3. No one really likes her.
  4. She’s been pinned down inside her compound by imaginary Serbian sniper fire.
Former President Jimmy Carter will serve as the keynote speaker at the Islamic Society of North America’s Convention because:
  1. He wants to build bridges between the cultures.
  2. This way, he’s exempt from qualifying from the Holocaust Denier’s Tour for 2015.
  3. It’s time these Muslims got serious about hating Jews.
  4. No one else will talk him.
Attorney General Eric Holder traveled to Ferguson in order to:
  1. Bring the full weight of federal law enforcement to the scene.
  2. Make sure all the local thugs, hoods and gangsters are getting the best deal on AK-47s.
  3. Burn frequent flier miles to burn.
  4. Avoid Chicago; it’s too shoot-y this time of year.
Sharpton left Ferguson because:
  1. His work delivering unity and healing to the community was complete.
  2. The Marriott St. Louis Airport isn’t as nice as Trump Tower.
  3. No one in St. Louis sells his brand of hair goop.
  4. There are way more Jewish-owned businesses to burn down in New York.
During his six years in office, Obama has lowered:
  1. The price of basic staples like groceries and gasoline.
  2. The number of Americans who have given up on finding work.
  3. The number of illegal aliens flooding the country.
  4. His handicap. ( Hint: If he played for shit, he wouldn't get a smell! )
The stock market has reached record highs because:
  1. Obama’s economic policies have produced a steamroller of an economy.
  2. Labor costs are down since 100 million Americans are permanently unemployed.
  3. The banksters and their pinstriped Mafiosi are cashing in their chips with Obama.
  4. Who gives a damn? That’s “Wall Street, not Main Street.”
If Federal Reserve Chairwoman Janet Yellen pushes for rate increases, the result will be:
  1. Fewer Americans buying new homes.
  2. Fewer Americans buying new cars.
  3. Fewer Americans putting their money in banks.
  4. Who gives a damn? That’s “Main Street, not Wall Street.”
Obama’s style of governance can be best described as:
  1. Respectfully bipartisan.
  2. Honestly in tune with the taxpayers.
  3. Firmly rooted in constitutional dictates.
  4. Imperial.
I’d attach an answer key, but if you didn’t knock these questions out with relative ease, I’m not sure the answers would make much a difference to you.
Jim Morris
Twilight Imagery, Inc.

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