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Warning to all males !!!!

WARNING FOR ALL MALES 
Last weekend I saw something at The Gun Show that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Dana. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Dana what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.  Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.  The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;  a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and  a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.  Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
 All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'  What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.  I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and… HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!  I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.  Note:If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!  A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  · My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV. · The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. · My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.  · My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.   I had no control over the drooling.  · Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.  · I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.  I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

Deaths in USA

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chain of fools

Chain of Fools
The “story” of President Trump calling Haiti a “s***hole” in his meeting on immigration reform originally emerged in the WaPo who cited “several people briefed on the meeting” - i.e. they weren’t there. Then Dick Durban – the only Democrat in attendance - held a press conference to confirm the reports in the WaPo and further embellish the story with his own flourishes,adding this unique interpretation of “chain migration”:
Durbin said the president used the word "shithole" to describe African and Latin American countries "not just once but repeatedly," and asked why current illegal immigrants should be given the right to bring their families with them, so-called' Chain Migration.'Durbin continued: "When it came to the issue of, quote, 'chain migration,' I said to the president, do you realize how painful that term is to so many people? African-Americans believe they migrated to America in chains and when you talk about chain migration, it hurts them personally."Does Dick even know what a fool he sounds like?So let’s review: the original allegation came from unidentified sources who weren’t in the meeting, it was collaborated by Dick Turbin Durbin who has a history of histrionic mendacity, and then dropped into the MSM echo chamber for use as a weapon for mass distribution. It’s beginning to smell like desperation. They have found themselves with only one arrow left in the quiver and it’s the race card.Ironically the party that invented the soft bigotry of low expectations. the party that has actively worked to keep minorities economically shackled to leftist ideology and welfare handouts has the audacity to tell us that chain migration refers to the shackles of slavery. They might have taken all they can take; one of these mornings the chain is gonna break.Getting close to drawing their last arrow and it looks like full-on cultural appropriation

Trump Mentally ill ???????


Snoring problem solved

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He said, "Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it.
They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.

No Muslim gonna rape me today !!


The minimum wage

Raising the minimum wage ! What do ALL politicians hate to be forced to vote on ? HINT : Ask H.G.W. Bush ! A tax hike ! 
So ? What is the easiest way that taxing authorities can raise more taxes ? Well , dad burn it - RAISING WAGES ! And i hope you don't have the idea that this only effects 
the low wage earners . It gets ALL of us . Do those that get the raise do better with a higher wage . Yup ! For a while ! But do employers really pay more wages ? Not hardly . Wages / benefits are considered  " cost of doing business " by the employer . They ain't gonna take the higher wages out of their own pockets . They raise the cost of the goods / services they sell to the consumer ! Go look in the mirror . There is a consumer . So th wage is raised from $10 / Hour to $15 / hour . That is GREAT !  But wait one minute ! Federal income taxes are based on a percentage  . All income taxes are . Social Security taxes are . Each taxing authority - those that have the authority to tax your income - will get an IMMEDIATE chunk of your new found wealth ! Federal , State & and Local authorities that can tax your income also get an immediate raise . Social Security is collected on a percentage of your income and - most Americans are not even aware of this fact but the employer must MATCH your Social Security Tax penny for penny . That , along with the higher wage - is going to raise the cost of doing business to the employer!  They are gonna raise their prices - calling it inflation ! If you get a $5/ hour wage increase and your federal income tax ( i  am rounding off here to keep it simple ) is 20% the federal government is gonna get $1 of your wage rate - not including SS / Medicare - they get their cut also . You make more money ! Spend more money and much of that is subject to sales tax .Government gets more of your raise ! See ? Nobody had to look bad to increase tax revenue but the governments - federal , state , local do pretty good . You take your new $5 / wage increase to the store and prices are UP AGAIN .... and you wonder why ! One more time = costs go up - prices go up ! Pretty damned simple ! Only place the governments have of getting their operating money is through taxes . governments sell nothing ! Governments tax ! Your new raise helps you out for 6 months or so but ... then you need a raise . The LARGER government is the more loot it needs . Where do they get it ? Go look in the mirror and bend over !
The government claims that OUR Social Security fund will go broke ! Why ? There is more paid into it then is paid out ! Fact ! Told to you this one more time - The only place government can get money is by levying tax ! Or in our case - BORROWING  money ! $21 Trillion more then it brings in . Congress needs more loot to pay their women off .  AHHH!! Lokka here ! The Social Security Trust fund. ! So Congress amends the law so that the ONLY place the SS Trust Fund can can loan / invest your savings is to .... wait for this ... YUP ! The United States Government ! That make sit part of ... the federal debt -About $7 Trillion of our savings for OUR retirement . The Federal Government OWES us $7 Trillion . And they cannot pay it back . GOOD GAWD AMIGHTY PEOPLE + What would our SS Trust Fund look like if that $& Trillion was in the stock market ? The federal government pays .015% on our money . NEWS FLASH ! The government spends more loot a minute then it can pay ! So i gotta ask one more time ! Why do you people continue to vote the very same people into office time and again when they have proven , time & again , they cannot get it done ?
Happy New Year ! 
Hope you pass this on !
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