by Henry J Clevicepin, assisted by Estee K. Bibbles, Nellie Frecklebelly and Agnes & Ophilia Fudpucker
Now we want to thank Kent for the wood carving he carved just for the Buzzard Roost News called......now get this ...."The Buzzards Roost"
March 2014 From theBackside
Well, folks this ol weather has shore been pretty & warm lately, but we shore need a rain. Like my mule barn partner said the other day "it is dryer than a pop corn fart out of an antelope". Ol Estee K. shore has a way with words don’t he??? Talking about things not changing, I’ll tell ya something that hasn’t changed in years…..that is these lying ass politicians. I was thinking the other day that I hear the same bullshit every election year from them sapsuckers that I was hearing when I was a kid. I have been bombarded the last week or two with political mail from all of the politicians telling me what all they have done & how they believe we got to cut spending, cut taxes, create jobs & fight Obamacare and it’s the same crap I have been hearing for years. So why in hell do we have millions & millions of people out of work, taxes out the ying yang & more coming under this Obamacare trainwreck, 17 trillion debt, plus the money them thieving bastards stole out of Social Security & Medicare, that none of them want to talk about….all of this equals about 90 trillion dollars of total debt. Now would one of you brilliant sapsuckers tell my dumb old fat ass how in hell are we ever gonna pay that back. And then , now get this, them dam goof balls took the lid plum off of the debt limit for one year. Do you realize that gives Obama a blank check for the next year???? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of……that’s like giving a 16 year old kid a bottle of whiskey & the keys to your car….nothing good can come out of it. Do any of you realize that the debt was 10 trillion when Obama took office….it is now 17.3 & they are saying they are gonna have to raise it to 20 trillion or more…..that’s assinine…for you dumbass liberals that cain’t count to eleven without pulling your pants down, that means that he has doubled our national debt in 5 years & still has 3 more to go. And this BS about him gonna start using his pen & just issue executive orders to go around Congress has got to be stopped. He is the one when he was campaigning that George Bush needed to be stopped from doing the same thing & said if he was elected he would stop it….so lets see …now we have a lying ass Congress & a lying ass President….don’t anybody think we need to send some new people up there like Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, Rand Paul & Louie Gohmert to stop this trainwreck. You know they are doing some thing right because even the old established Republicans want their butts out of there because they messing up their little playhouse. So remember this in November & quit sending the same old lying sapsuckers up there that have got it in this mess. The Prez has been talking about inequality…here is the old version & the Obama version of the ant & the grasshopper.Classical Version The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Obama VersionThe ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. ABC, CNN, NBC & MSNBC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Jessie Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house. Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper. Opposition MP's stage a walkout. Left parties call for a Judicial Enquiry. Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter. The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA, and having nothing left to pay his retroactive fines, his home is confiscated by the government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by all of the liberal media Eric Holder calls it "a triumph of justice". Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Well, folks this ol weather has had us mixed up worse than a mule in a glass stable. One day it is 80 degrees & ol Nellie Frecklebelly is laying out in her bikini & the next day it is about 20 degrees & her & ol Buzzard Roost Bubba are huddled up together like a monkey on a football & shakin like a medicated rabbit. Now mama Clevicepin went over to see Doc Raymond Stepp, the illustrious eye doctor over in Comanche the other day & he sent word back for me to get ol Nellie Frecklebelly out & make her do one of them naked rain dances….so get ready doc….here it comes. Now speaking of Bubba, he had a toothache the other day & went to see the local dentist. The dentist told Bubba he needed to pull the tooth, so he pulled it & just as he got it out , he dropped it & it went into ol Bubba’s throat. So he told Bubba he was gonna have to go see a throat doctor& see if he could get it out. But since ol Bubba had Obamacare now he had lost his regular doctor, Dr. Goldfinger here in Buzzard Roost, so he had to go to the big city to see the throat doctor . Well, by the time he got there & the throat doc checked him, he told Bubba that the tooth had slid down into his stomach & he was gonna have to go see a stomach doctor. So Bubba went over to the stomach doctor & he took a x-ray of Bubba’s stomach & told Bubba that the tooth had moved down into his intestines & he was gonna have to go see an Internalist. Well, Bubba was pretty disgusted by this time but went on & the Internal Doc put ol Bubba up a table on his hands & knees & run a tube with a little camera on it up ol Bubba’s butt ….looked around a bit ….& hollared out to Bubba…..my gosh, man, you gotta tooth up in there….you need to go see a dentist !!!!! Now on top of all this since Bubba’s primary doctor, Dr. Goldfinger, wasn’t the one who sent him to see all of these specialist, Obamacare wouldn’t pay one dam dime…..welcome to Obamacare, Bubba.Now speaking of people with something up their butt……look at them sapsuckers in Washington….most them got their head up their butt. Look at the Dept of Justice jumping on Gov . Christie over that bridge lane closure. Holder has already assigned some attorneys to investigate it….huumm, let’s see, Christie is a Republican & was in the lead in the polls over Hilary….naw, that couldn’t have had anything to do with it. Now, me & ol Estee K. Bibbles has been drunk lately, but I could have sworn there was some other deals that happened a long time ago that would have been way ahead of him assigning an attorney to investigate …..let’s see, there was Fast & Furious gun smuggling deal, & Benghazi where the Ambassador & three more got killed, & the IRS scandal, & the NSA spying scandal….how about a special prosecuter for all of those . And what is happening on Articles of Impeachment filed in November on Attorney Genral Holder & what about Egypt filing criminal charges on Obama & his half brother Malik in November for funneling 8 billion to the Muslim Brotherhood illegally. Why don’t you Buzzard Roost readers email your Congressman & ask them about this….be shore & tell’em you read it in the Buzzard Roost….cause you shore as hell ain’t heard about
A Special Tribute to Joe Bond ...1960-2013....Ranger, Tx
Now folks, it’s about as sad around Buzzard Roost country as I have ever seen it. My good friend & a lot of peoples friend , Joe Bond from over at Ranger passed away Aug 5. Ol Joe just went to bed & never woke up. Now evidently Joe was having some heart problems but didn’t want people bothering over him….he was always worrying about everybody else….that’s just the way he was. As a lot of ya’ll know, ol Henry J had a little heart attack June 25, well ol Joe was calling me or every time I saw him, he was wanting to know how I was doing & on my case about taking care of my self….always worrying about me not himself….you see, that’s just the way ol Joe was. But at 52 years old, Joe was just way to young to leave this ol earth. And you know, people always say , will God needed him in Heaven. Well, did God need a welder, did He need a fence builder, did He need a equipment operator, did He need a hog man, did He need a steer man or did He just need a good man. Joe fit all them categories. Ol Joe had them two boys, Rowdy & Brady that he loved more than life itself, but you know he just loved kids & love to help them. How many of you out there did Joe help find hogs to show. He traveled a many mile hunting show pigs for his kids as well as other kids around the county. And even after his kids was out of school & done showing, he was still helping kids find pigs. Just last year I called Joe & he answered & I ask “what are you doing?” He said that him & Gary Carson was way up in the Panhandle huntin show pigs. I said “what in the cornbread world you doing way up there?’ He said”aw, I know where there might be some pretty good ones up here.” Joe always knew where there was some pretty good ones located. And then when they would get’em all bought he would let them kids keep all of them hogs out at his place right south of Ranger affectionately known as “the pig farm”. And there would be lots of time spent late every evening when everybody would gather out there , discussing which pig was best, reckon what this one & that one weighed……then they would break out the scales & go to weighing pigs to see who was the closest. Most of them were wrong because most the people guessing couldn’t guess within 10 pounds of what a 4 pound chicken would weigh. And yeah,there was usually a little beer drinking involved in all of this. A lot of kids are gonna miss ol Joe’s help now. And it wouldn’t just kids Joe helped. If you needed something done, you could always call on Joe. He would gather up ever what was needed & be on his way to help…..they just don’t make’em like that any more. Ol Joe stayed busier than a stepped on red ant bed & was the hardest working sucker I ever saw….but he would still drop what he was doing & come help you if you needed it. He always worried bout everybody else rather than himself. I had a guy tell me at the funeral that one time when he was down & out & everybody trying to kick him while he was down, that he got a call from Joe just checking on him & Joe told him “it’s gonna be alright”. That’s the way Joe was. As Bobby Willis said at the funeral, that was Joe’s most memorable saying “don’t worry about it, everything’s gonna be alright”. Well, ol buddy we miss you every day & we know you’re up there saying “don’t worry about it, everything's gonna be alright”. Rest in Peace Joe Bond, tell we see you again !!!!!.
Wow , I don’t know what kinda naked rain dance ol Nellie Frecklebelly & Buzzard Roost bubba did the other day, but we got nearly 8 inches of rain & I heard of some other places around Buzzard Roost that got over 14 inches. They must have been shaking some booty. My mulebarn partner, ol Estee K bibbles, ask me the other day…."Do you know what you call it when it is raining chickens & ducks?’ & I said "what?". He said "fowl weather." Now that is just corny. Don’t know what I am gonna do with that boy.Now talking about something being fowl. What about Eric holder & the Dept of Justice or as should be called"the Dept of In-Justice." Now, folks, this bullshit Holder is trying to pull down in Florida just proves more than ever that Obama, Holder & the Dept of Justice is total ass out of control. Zimmerman was acquitted by a jury, but oh no…Obama & Holder ain’t gonna accept that cause Zimmerman wasn’t black but Travon was. Now ain’t it strange that some black kids kill a defenseless white guy or some blacks kill other blacks in Chicago every day & we don’t hear crap out of Holder. And the Prez needs to keep his half black & half white ass out of it. But if this whole deal ain’t racist me & ol Estee K will kiss ye butt in front of the Dept of Justice. And this is just one deal. Why ain’t some heads rolling over this IRS deal or Fast & furious or Benghazi or spying on people. Now folks you are crazy as a run over dog if you don’t think them sapsuckers are not totally out of control. You go back & look at the history of Hitler & Germany & you’ll see it is happening all over again…but this time tight here in America. Obama has even said if Congress won’t act on some things that he will just do it himself. Here is a little for instance….the other day while everybody was looking the other way over all of this Zimmerman/Martin hullabellue, sneaky snake Obama signed an executive order that is gonna reuire alls kids under 15 to be tested for HIV & DNA samples to be taken & kept on everybody. You folks & even you liberal sapsuckers with your head stuck up your butt that voted for that card carrying socialist Muslim sapsucker don’t realize what he has done through executive orders. It’s kinda like that Obamacare….by the time you find out, it is gonna be too late, so you better get to working on trying to elect somebody next year that can undo all of this bullshit or we can kiss our American Freedom Loving ass goodbye. And I mean go to work now looking for candidates that will stand up for the Constitution & start putting God back into this ol country. This country is going downhill politically & morally in a hurry…….uummm, you know it might now hurt for everybody to go back & read that little story in the Bible about Sodom & Gomorrah & see what God did with it. Henry J’s Words of Wisdom: Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance
Arkansas Motel & To Pee or Not to Pee
Well, it’s shore summer time here in Buzzard Roost. Some folks all around us has got some rain but right in the heart of Buzzard Roost country we are drier than a popcorn fart. I sometimes wonder if ol Nellie Frecklebelly ain’t traveling around doing some of them naked rain dances for other people outside of Buzzard Roost. Now speaking of traveling ol Buzzard Roost Bubba ask me & my mule barn partner the other day …."do you know how to tell when you're staying in a Arkansas hotel? Me & ol Estee K. both replied "how". Bubba said "when you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."Now folks, speaking of taking a leak. This is kinda embarrassing but I gotta tell ya. The other day me & Mama Clevicepin was checking some fence & I raked my knee against a Bull Nettle or some times called a Stinging Nettle….& let me tell ya somethin folks stinging is right. I mean instant stinging & itching. Well, we went on & got the fences checked & that goldarned thing just kept gettin worse on that stinging & itching. Well, that night when I took my pants off my knee was swelled up big as a watermelon & had fever & had welps all over it, so I knew I had to do something. So I went in & got on the geek wire (computer to you city folks ) & did that google deal on Bull Nettle cures. Well folks, you ain’t gonna believe this……it said urine was the best thing to stop the stinging. Urine ????/ I am thinking what kind??? Bobcat, coyote, bear what kind of urine. Now get this…it said human urine !!! Well by this time I am ready to try about anything I am hurtin so bad. So I thought a minute & decided I better go drink a beer or two so I could make some urine. Well after a couple of beers, I’m really thinkin about how to do this deal & decide that since it was on the inside of my knee it would be easy just to pee down my leg & it would run down on my knee. So I strip down to my birthday suit & I go out in the yard to doctor my self. That’s the nice thing about livin out in the country….you can do stuff like that. Well, I got out in the yard & I look down & I realized with my beer belly I couldn’t even see my toes much less my knee. So I thought for a minute & decided since it was my right knee ….I could could stand on my left leg & hold my right knee out & pee on it. Well, having a little age on me, my ol left leg got to quivering & shakin & I peed on everywhere except on my sore knee….I even peed all over my little dog , Jackpot & a tom cat that come walking by, before my left leg gave way & I fell in Mama Clevicepin’s flower bed. Well, I crawled out & went back in the house to think this over. I decided to call my beer drinking buddy & mule barn partner, Estee K Bibbles, & ask if he would come over & pee on my knee to cure the stinging. He called me a pervert & hung up on me….some friend he is !!!! So then I had to drink some more beer to make some more pee….I was drinking that airplane beer….you drink one & P-38. In the meantime I am thinking about how to do this & decided I would set a fan out on the patio & turn it on high & pee into the fan & it would blow it back on my knee. So I had one more beer just to make sure I am primed good. Well folks, let me tell ya something……you have heard of the shit hitting the fan….well when pee hits it…well just let me say I had it all over the patio, in the fish pond at the edge of the patio, up on the roof of the house, but not a drop on my sore knee. Luckily Mama Clevicepin by this time had got her Old Farmers Almanac out & found out you could just rub some baking soda & water on it. Seems to be helping, but it is gonna take me a while to clean up this pee mess. Well, I’m goin down to the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & have another one of them airplane beers.
May Article Buzzard Roost Welfare.........Rattlesnakes & Radical Muslims
Well, this old weather here in Buzzard Roost has been crazy. It will be nearly 90 one week & 30 the next. It’s Buzzard roost weatherman more confused than a mule in a glass stable. Ol Nellie Frecklebelly & the Fudpucker sisters cain’t figure out whether to put on their bikinis or their longhandles every morning…..either way, it ain’t gonna be a purty sight. Strange things goes on out here in the country sometimes & here is a little incident thaqt happened down at the Buzzard Roost welfare office the other day. A woman came into the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered. "They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "They all got different daddies so I just use their last name!"Speaking of names why don’t we just call these radical camel ridin sapsuckers that want to kill us Radical Muslims, Jihadist, Terrorist like the rattlesnakes that they are. Now the big boy news media will spend days trying to determine why these two young men did what they did in Boston. They will want to know what America did to make these brothers so angry with us. They will want to know why these men were not arrested before they did something unlawful. The media will be in a tizzy & have their panties in a wad about the new era of home grown radicals and about how they could live among us and still hate us.Now out here in Buzard Roost country , we have rattlesnakes everywhere. I have killed a rattlesnake on the front porch. I have killed a rattlesnake on the back porch. I have killed rattlesnakes in the barn, in the shop and on the driveway. I kill every rattlesnake I encounter. I kill rattlesnakes because a rattlesnake will bite me and inflict me with poison. I don’t stop to wonder why a rattlesnake will bite me. It will bite me because it is a rattlesnake and that is what rattlesnakes do. I don’t try to reason with a rattlesnake…I just kill it. I don’t try to get to know the rattlesnake better so that I can find a way to live with the rattlesnakes and convince them not to bite me…I just kill them. I don’t quiz a rattlesnake to see it I can find out where the other snakes are because (a) it won’t tell me (b) I already know that they live on my place…I just kill the rattlesnake and move on to the next one. I don’t look for ways that I might be able to change the rattlesnake to a non poison rat snake. I just kill it. Oh, and on occasion I kill a rat snake, because I thought it was a rattlesnake at the time. Also, I know that for every rattlesnake that I kill, two more lurk out there. In my lifetime I will never be able to rid my place of rattlesnakes. Do I fear them? No! Do I respect what they can do to me? Yes! And because of that respect I give them their fair justice….I kill them.Maybe in this ol country we should give more credit to the Radical Muslim jihadist idiots for just being a rattlesnake!Words of Wisdom from Henry J : Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
April 2013 article
Ugly baby & Henry J. Blowing steam about Government blowing money
Well, folks, this ol Buzzard Roost weather cain’t make up it’s mind if it is Spring or not. About the time it teases us with some of that 80 degree weather & ol Nellie Frecklebelly & the Fudpucker sisters go to laying out in their bikinis, it’s blow in in one of them cold fronts & cool things down to where the cheeks of their butts look’s like a goose’s butt in a raspberry patch. And that ain’t a purty sight. Now speaking of "not purty", ol Buzzrd Roost Bubba was up in the big city the other day & was ridin a bus when a woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus next to ol Bubba. Now ol Bubba sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. Ol Bubba sympathized with her and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," Bubba said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Now speaking of monkeys ….that makes me think of them monkeys in Washington D.C. Have you ever seen a bigger mess in your life. Them sapsuckers cain’t get anything done. All they do is argue for a couple of weeks, then go off on some kind of vacation. And what is all of this bullshit with Obama shutting down the White House tours saying that little sequester cut made it so tough that they couldn’t afford to have the tours. Now let me remind you folks…..that sequester did not….let me repeat DID NOT cut anything….it only cut the rate of growth….not an actual cut. Them lying, kniving sapsuckers try to pull the wool over our eyes all of the time. Ya see, let me explain this to you in Buzzard Roost terms…….if an agency got 1 billion last year, then this year they are gonna get 1.10 billion. So they get cut 2.3% then they still get 1.077 billion ……so they get more than they got last year. And while he is trying to make it hard on all of us, he gets on Air Force One & spends millions & millions of dollars to fly over to the Israel & the Middle East & as far as I can tell didn’t accomplish a dam thing with Netanyahu or the Palestinians. Why couldn’t he just pick up the phone & call over to Israel & say " Yo Net….what’s happening bro? Are you gonna give the Palestinians any land or are you gonna blow Iran’s ass off the map…well, I gottta go play golf…let me know what you decide." And then he would have enough money to keep the White Hose open. And what in the hell is Biden doing. He went lollygagging off over to London & Paris. The first night his hotel bill alone was nearly a half million dollars & the next night in Paris it was nearly $600,000 ….. Haven’t them yahews ever heard of Motel 6, where they will leave the light on for you !!!! They run around tellin us how broke we are then go off spending money like they have a money printing machine…..oh, hell, I forgot …they do have a money printing machine up there & they keep it whirling too….never mind. But I am tired of nothing applying to them thieving suckers…..they make all of them dam laws for us but it don’t apply to Obama & Congress…..their own insurance, their own retirement, cuts don’t apply to their pay & they don’t get jack …(you know what ) done. They are acting like the Senate passing a budget the other night is a big deal……well, them sapsuckers are 4 years late on it & our Constitution calls for one to be passed every year……oh, that’s right, they don’t have to abide by that either. And now the budget is going to the House where they will start arguing over it & it still won’t get passed……so it’s about like a monkey screwing a football up there…..ain’t nothing happening !!!! Well, now that I have blowed off some steam, me & ol Estee K. Are goin down to the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & do a little sequestering over a cold beer.
Words of Wisdom from Henry J : If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
Happy Birthday to the Buzzard Roost News
Well this ol Buzzard Roost wether has been pretty warm for January. When it got up in the 80’s there for a few days ol Nellie Frecklebelly & the Fudpucker sisters were out behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill working on an early tan with their little bikinis on. They sent ol Buzzard Roost Bubba after some sun tan lotion & he came back with a 5 gallon bucket of it & a mop to put it on with & said that still like to not have been enough….now folks, these are big ol gals. Now me & ol Estee K. Bibbles, my mule barn partner, was walking by the spit & whittle bench downtown the other day & over heard two old men talking. One of them said he had just had a birthday & turned 83 & that he had aches & pains all over. He ask his buddy “ ain’t you about the same age as me, how do you feel?” His buddy said “I feel just like a newborn baby.” His buddy said “really….a newborn baby?” The other one said “yeah….no teeth, no hair & I just wet my pants !!!”
Now folks, speaking of birthdays….I know time flys when you are having fun, but February is the 1 birthday of the Buzzard Roost News. In February of 2012 we wrote up 16 pages of BS, got us a few advertisers to support it & printed up 1000 copies. Now folks, if you ain’t never sen a 1000 copies of pure bullshit stacked up…..well it is a bunch…I thought we would have papers til the end of time. As it turned out there was enough people out there that thought if we were crazy enough to write it… they were crazy enough to read it & we were out of papers in less than a week. Now we’re prntin over 4000 copies per month & will soon go to 5000 copies & 36 pages. And don’t worry about us runnin out of BS to write about….them yahews in Washington give us enough we could write 50 pages every month & it would not put a dent in all of the BS that comes out of that place. And I shore want to thank the original advertisers that supported that first edition & still support us every month. The first ones were my ol buddy Jerry Reynolds of the Carpro Show, Old Tymers Mercantile in May, Security Title & Texas Cattle Exchange in Eastland , Cowboy’s Spirits in Ranger & Depot Liquor in Brownwood. Them last two supplied us with a 30 pack of courage to write the first edition of this goofy little paper. And now besides the 4500 copies that go here in Buzzard Roost country, we have subscribers in Arizona, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Louisiana, all over Texas & now in Washington D.C, so maybe there is still hope for some of them idiots up there. So if you see any of these advertisers or any of the others that support the Buzzard Roost News be shore & thank’em & trade with them cause without their support we couldn’t print this BS every month. And for you folks that don’t drink, maybe ya oughta start, cause this stuff is a lot funnier if you a had a snort or two fore you read it. Now me & ol Estee K appreciate you folks & appreciate all of you that send us stuff to put in the paper. We’re gonna keep after them sapsuckers up in Washington & down in Austin & we hope ya’ll keep enjoying this goofy little paper & tell ya friends & neighbors about it & tell anybody that might want to help us out by advertising with us, we shore would appreciate it. We got a tough 4 years ahead of us & I think we are gonna see they sapsuckers try some stuff that we never thought would happen…especially when it comes to gun control so I gotta ask you to give your congressmen hell. If you put enough heat on them suckers with emails & phone calls they’ll pay attention cause they do not want to lose those high paying jobs & 1 million in benefits & perks they get every year….plus the ability to steal & get stuff under the table. Remember they pass laws for us….not them…they figure out a way to exempt themselves. Again thanks from the Buzzard Roost bunch for the last year & we continue to see ya out there this year.
Words of wisdom from Henry J: A fool walks in with his mouth open and his eyes shut ….sounds kinda like one of them liberal Democrats !!!!
A wonderful Buzzard Roost Christmas……………….Connecticut shooting a tragedy……worse tragedy is liberal gun control idiots with head up butt !!!
Now folks we had a wonderful Christmas here in Buzzard Roost. It was a dry one & that ol wind blowing & kicking up that west Texas snow ( that’s sand to you city folks ) we figured ol Santy would have put goggles on them reindeer to keep the sand out of their eyes. Ol Buzzard Roost Bubba said he was afraid Santa wasn’t go gonna come this year cause times are so tough & everybody out of work, he thought some Buzzard Roost redneck might try to capture one of them reindeer & butcher him for meat. Usually when it is this dry Ol Nellie Frecklebelly gets out behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & does a naked rain dance, but she said she didn’t know how to do a naked snow dance. But I noticed her & ol Bubba having a little Christmas cheer & working on some new moves out on the dance floor the other night…..ol Estee K said it looked like two pregnant elephants on roller skates !!!!! It will be a tragedy if they don’t come up with something pretty soon. Now speaking of tragedy, Obama & all of the gun control idiots are gonna use the Conneticutt school shooting to try to take some of our guns away & trample on the Constitution some more. What part of this deal about the these crazy idiots always picking a gun free zone to go kill a bunch of people do they not understand. Like my mule barn partner told that liberal one time…."I would like to look at things from your point of view but I just cain’t get my head up my ass that far". As another article in the paper points out….since 1950 there has been 61 mass killings & all but one have been where guns were banned. The Colorado shooter drove 22 miles to a theater that had signs everywhere that said…no guns allowed, even if you had a concealed & carry license you couldn’t bring a gun in that theater. There were several theaters closer but he picked out one where he knew no one could shoot his crazy ass. These people ain’t stupid….they are just crazy as a out house mouse. And what about the kid in Connecticut…..I read where he spent the whole week before the shooting in his basement playing video games that kill & blow up people. Why in the hell aren’t these liberal gun control sapsuckers screaming about these lazy, crazy kids playing video games all of the time & why are they not wanting to ban video games….why is always the guns they are after ??????? Like ol Estee K says " if these kids had their hummingbird ass on the end of a hoe handle chopping weeds out of a cotton patch in the summer when it is 100 degrees instead of sittin on the couch playing video games & drinking 32 oz big gulps, it might take some of this crazy bullshit out of them". And nearly all of the cases, the parents were scared of the kid & new something was gonna happen but from what I understand there are laws that keep them from being committed & getting help. Why aren’t the liberal sapsuckers raising hell about that…..oh no, it’s always the guns. A gun cain’t do a mass killing without an idiot to pull the trigger…..likewise a gun cain’t stop a mass killing, but a gun with a well trained person to use it could help stop a killing & signs up saying guns allowed would make those idiots go somewhere else.
Blaming guns for crimes it kinda like blaming Hooters for men liking big tits !!!!!
Politician in Heaven & ol Henry J. is piss poor loser
Well, the ol weather has been pretty nice around Buzzard Roost lately, except it shore is dry ….may have to get ol Nellie Frecklebelly out & do a naked rain dance up behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill. Now, my mulebarn partner, was telling me a little ditty the other day about a politician that got killed & went up to meet St Peter & St Pete welcomed him to heaven, but told him they didn’t get many high up politicians so they didn’t quite know what to do with him. Pete said he had orders from higher up to let him spend one day in hell & one day in heaven & then he could decide where he wanted to spend eternity. So they took the elevator down to hell & the doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a former politician, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the guy and lays an arm on his neck. "I don't understand," stammers the politician. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!" Now folks, I think we may see some of that hell here on earth the next four years. Oh, I know, some people say…."Henry J, you’re just a piss poor loser". Well, let me tell….I think America was the loser on Nov. 6
Words of wisdom from Henry J : Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
Well, it shore has been pretty here in Buzzard Roost the last few days except I saw ol Nellie Frecklebelly & Buzzard Roost Bubba out sunbathing in their thongs. Ol Nellie is so fat she looked like a sack of wheat with the string busted & ol Bubba looked like a pair of pliers with a band aid wrapped around it. The other day, my mule barn partner, ol Estee K Bibbles was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up ol Doc Fritz Speck down at Brownwood, who told him to bring in his cow. Ol Fritz took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow's butt, and blew into the tube until the cow's eyes straightened out. Then he charged ol Estee K. a hunerd bucks, and ol Estee K came home happy. About a week later, the cow's eyes were cross-eyed again, but this time ol Estee K. figured he could probably take care of it himself. So he called Buzzard Roost Bubba to come help him and together they put a tube up the cow's butt. Ol Estee K put his mouth over the tube and started to blow. Strangely, nothing happened, so he asked ol Bubba to give it a try. Bubba immediately removed the tube, turned it around & put the other end in the cow's butt and started to blow. "What are you doing?" asked ol Estee K. "Well, you shore didn’t think I was gonna use the end you had your mouth on do you ???"Now folks, I know you have heard before, that this is the most important election of our time....well if this one ain't, it shore has to be in the top 2 or 3. This economy is still messed up worse than a rickshaw cooley in a typhoon & ain't gettin any better. And the sneaky sapsuckers try to make it look better last week by leaving California off of the unemployment report....well, duh...yeah that would make it drop if the one largest states, with one of the largest umemployment rates is left off. But that is the way this administration has always been, every thing they do is sneaky. Just like all of the Zhars he has appointed that don't have to answer to anybody except Obama, all of the executive orders he has signed, deals he & Hilary are working on with the UN.....like the small guns treaty that could let the UN contol our guns here. And Obamacare, that they shoved down our throat or as my assistant editor of the Buzzard Roost News & mulebarn partner, Estee K. Bibbles, says...stuck it up our rear end like a supository and now we are already hearing of companies that are gonna lay off people because of all of the regulations & mandates in Obamacare ...I'm tellin you folks, I use to peddle health insurance & Obamacare is gonna be one of them "wake your buddy up , cause he ain't never seen a train wreck like this one " . And all of the companies Obama put stimulus money in that have gone broke....that count is up to 36 now & growing & a lot of these were tied to big money donors to his campaign .And then look at the Middle East mess...them suckers are raiding our Embassies, burning our flags & killing our people and our illustruious President & Secretary of State Hilary Clinton are running around apoligizing & blaming it on some goofy video that nobody had hardly heard of. Then the President even says that 4 Americans gettin killed wasn't "optimal".....well, for them 4 it was" terminal". And check out Obama's Whitehouse schedule some time....he don't come in until about 10:00 o'clock every morning & sometimes has a briefing & sometimes he don't, have a little lunch with Biden some days & then he is off campaigning or playin golf. Just like the day they raided our Embassy in Libya & killed our Ambassador...what does Obama do???...he makes an apology speech & blames it on a video & then flies off to Vegas to campaign & play with the celebrities.....now, that's shore being Presidential & worrying about this country ain't it ??? So folks, if you don't think this election is not important then you are goofy as a road lizzard !!!!! And not just the Presidential election...we need to clean out the Senate & the House, they are gettin to where they don't get anything done....like our Farm Bill for instance....it ran out Sept 30th & what do them sapsuckers do...they leave town on vacation & just leave the farmers hanging. Folks, we got to change this deal......& that means me & you. Now make sure you vote cause it is important....this country is going to hell in a handbasket, so we cain't just set around thinking them idiots in Washington are gonna straighten it out. !!!!
October ArticleIndians Predict Winter………..Obama has to go & take Congress with himWeee doggies….Buzzard Roost country got a good ol frog strangling rain the last couple of days….about 4 ½ inches. Now ol Nellie Frecklebelly had been doing a naked rain dance up behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & that brings tears to the rain Gods eyes so that could have been what caused it. But I imagine it was just the good Lord deciding to water some of his country….now don’t tell ol Nellie that, cause that would bust her bubble & that’s a big ol bubble….bubble that big bust & it might cause an earthquake.Now ol Estee K , my mule barn partner was tellin me a little weather story the other day about a new Indian chief trying to predict the winter eather. It went something like this : It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"Now predicting the weather is about predicting what them dingbats are gonna do in Washington. Now folks we got a big election coming up here fore a cat can kiss his butt. And we got to thin some them sapsuckers out of there especially Obama & his hinchmen in the White house. I know he is still blaming Bush, but it is high time he start fixing some stuff & to hell with blaming somebody else. He said if he couldn’t fix it in three years he would be a one term President…well we need to hold him to his word. I mean, folks, look around…nothing is better in this country except for him & his fat ass wife that wants to run all over the world going through our tax payer money like a dose of salts thru a widow woman. He just had a runnin ass fit over Bush’s deficit of 4 trillion in 8 years & look what that sucker has done….6 trillion in new debt in only 3 ½ years. And the sucker don’t do nothing….his Whitehouse schedule, which is public record, shows he comes in about 10:00 every morning, sometimes has a briefing & then goes off campaigning…he ain’t even trying to solve any of our problems. In fact he has only made about 40% of the security briefings since he got in there & him & Hilary missed the one a few days before 9-11 that would have told them camel ridin sapsuckers over in Libya had something planned & we ended up getting 4 Americans killed…one of them being our Ambassador. And then what did that Muslim loving sucker do….he apologized to all of the Muslims everywhere that attacking our embassies & burning our flags. We have had our experiment with the first black President & it has been a disaster….maybe that is cause he is just half black…I know for shore , he is a half assed President. Now fore ya’ll start hollering racist….I don’t have any problem with a black President, I love Herman Cain & absolutely love Allen West. I don’t know why the Republicans didn’t nominate one of them. But Obama has got to go & he can take about ¾ of congress with him….they ain’t no better…especially Boehner…..I have ahd all of him I want to. They are not getting anything done up there, the two party system is killin this country. But I firmly believe if we don’t get Obama out of there he will let the Muslin’s take over this country in the next four years. Now you just tell everybody, you heard first form Henry J.Words of wisdom from Henry J: A fish wouldn’t get caught if he would just keep his mouth shut.
Cows & Politics Election Time Fertilizer
Well, we had to get ol Nellie Frecklebelly out so she could do her little naked rain dance the other day . As ya’ll know, that brings tears to the rain God’s eyes & we ended up getting 1.7 inches of rain….shore was nice. Now, if it will just start cooling down a little, things will be good here in Buzzard Roost. Maybe we’ll have time to grow a little grass for our mules & cows. Now, ol Estee K bibbles, my mulebarn partner & beer drinking buddy was tellin me about cows & politics the other day & here is his theory in it:
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. (this is where American is now)Now speaking of cows & BS, we’re gonna see plenty of it the next two months with these conventions & election comin up. There will be so much BS spread it oughta bring fertilizer prices down to nothing. They’re already runnin ads about each other and it’s gonna get a lot worse. Obama is a slingin crap everywhere & the bad thing is…it stickin on some people. An ol boy here in Buzzard Roost, the other day ask me…..just when do we start blaming Obama, since he still wants to blame Bush. Now ol Estee K. says that he has had 4 years to straighten out the mess he claims Bush left him & he ain‘t gotter done, so how in the hell does he think he is going to straighten out the bigger mess he has created if he is elected. Now folks, I know a bunch of you still love that sapsucker & there is a bunch of you that are just certified card carrying Democrats & got your head stuck up your butt so you cain’t see what is happening, but this deal is a wreck & it just flat ain’t getting any better. Now, I know you folks with that head up your butt problem remember when Obama was running back in 08 saying that Bush was unpatriotic & it was un-American for him to run up a National debt of 4 trillion in 8 years that our grandkids would have to pay……ya’ll do remember that don’t you???? Ya’ll was a hollering….yeah, yeah, right on Obama…tell it like it is….but, Whoa Nellie….Obama has run up a 6 trillion additional debt in only 3 ½ years & the CBO is predicting if he is re-elected, our National debt will be 22 trillion at the end of his second term. And he spent all of that stimulus money he said was gonna create jobs, that really went to his buddies that donated to his campaign, & we still got 8.3% (really about 17% ) unemployment ….the highest & the longest period of unemployment since WW11. And he has not got a budget passed since he has been in there. And the lying sapsucker is runnin around hollering that the Romney & Ryan are gonna wreck Medicare, when his Obamacare is stealing 716 billion out of Medicare to help pay for Obamacare. And there are 18 new taxes associated with Obamacare. Now, would somebody please tell me why in the cornbread world would we want to even think about re-electing that sapsucker. Hell, a ruptured Jackass would be better than Obama…at least he wouldn’t be runnin all over the world spending money & kissin the Muslim’s butts. Now, if you folks don’t think Obama is a Muslim, there are predictions that there will be approximately 20,000 Muslims attending the Democratic convention…….and get this…..the opening invocation is going to be by a Muslim Cleric !!!!! And some of you sapsuckers are worrying about Romney being a Mormon……you ain’t seen nothing, if them Muslim’s take over this country & put us under Sharia law . Obama wants to raise hell about Romney’s tax returns but he shore don’t want to fork over his passport records or college records….you don’t reckon they might show he was listed as a foreign student as maybe born in Kenya…….oh, there you go Henry J with that birther theory …people are gonna think I lost my rabbitass mind. Well, me & ol Estee K. are goin down to the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & discuss conspiracy theories with ol Boliver Kegass.Words of Wisdon: Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.
Whew, lordy, it is getting hot & dry here in Buzzard Roost. My mule barn partner, Estee K Bibbles, said he saw a lizard carrying a canteen of water with him the other day. With this ol weather so hot all the Buzzard Roost kids are headin to the public swimming pool every day. Ol Estee K’s little grandson, Johnny K Bibbles, has been goin down there & last week the pool manager called little Johnny K’s mother and told her she needed to have a talk with little Johnny about peeing in the pool. Little Johnny’s mother said, well, all of the kids pee in the pool don’t they"? The manager replied "well, yeah, but not off of the high diving board !!!!!" That boy is another Estee K in the makin. Now ol Estee K was tellin me, with all of these political speeches being made, he had been kinda entertaining himself this summer with a little game called Barack’s Bullshit Bingo & we decided to pass it on to you folks to help you get through all of the political BS for the next few months.
Rules for Bullshit Bingo:
1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "Bullshit Bingo" page.
2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
It’ll shore make them speeches a little more interesting !!!!
Preacher Sellin Horse *****Horse Business is a Wreck
Well, Buzzard Roost is back that old hunnerd degree weather & no rain. We are just about to the point to where we may have to break out ol Nellie Frecklebelly & have her do one them naked rain dances up behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill. When she gets to shaking all of that booty & doing that rain chant it’s better than the 4 of July fireworks show.
Now, my mulebarn partner, Estee K Bibbles, was telling me about an old preacher who was trying to sell his horse. A man stopped by to see how the horse rode. The preacher told the man that instead of saying, “walk", say, “praise the Lord,” and instead of saying, “whoa,” say, “amen.” So the man got on the horse and said, “praise the Lord,” and the horse started to walk. The man then said, “praise the Lord,” again and the horse started to trot. He said it a few more times, then the horse started galloping. Suddenly a cliff appeared. The man yelled "Whoa!". The horse didn't stop. He tried yelling al sorts of things, and he tried to pull the horse up, but it wouldn't stop. Then suddenly he remembered what to say. The man said, “amen.” The horse stopped right before they fell off. The man was so relieved that he put his hand on his forehead and then said, ”Praise the Lord.”
Now, speaking of horses. Since they stopped the horse slaughter deal a few years back we have got horses running out our ears. Our illustrious sapsuckers up in Washington figured out since they bowed to the ding a ling animal rights activist & stopped paying for inspections of the meat, which shut down the slaughter plants, that all of the animal refuges are full, & people can’t pay for high priced feed & hay, so they are just turning them loose. The State & Federal Parks are full of horses now from people just driving in there at night & opening their trailer gate & kickin ol Dobbin out. And a lot of these parks don’t have any thing for them to eat. Now, I’m sure them animal rights folks feel good about ol Dobbin wondering around out there slowly starving to death rather than have someone take him to a kill plant & get him out of his misery. I still think that every one of them congressmen that voted to stop the inspections before should have to keep a horse in their back yard for a year or two. Now, they have finally agreed to go back to paying for inspectors, but from what I hear from the killer buyers that everyone is afraid to go back in & spend 2 or 3 million getting a plant back open because they don’t trust Obama & the gang. They are afraid about the time they get it going they will change their mind & shut it down again. Why don’t they just listen to the people in the horse business, like the American Quarter Horse Association & other organizations that tried to tell them not to shut it down in the first place? Have you ever thought about the effect this has had on zoos all over American since this was where they got a lot of the meat they feed their animals. They have totally wrecked the horse market & killed no tellin how many jobs….but that is what Obama has been good at. Now, folks we got this election coming up in November and it is goin to be an important one….we need to clean house up there….the White House, the House of Representative & the Senate too. Whew…now that I got that off of my chest, me & ol Estee K are goin down to the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & have a cold one.
Words of wisdom from Henry J : “The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t."
Regulations & Sand Dune Lizzards
Well, it is shore heatin up here in Buzzard Roost….wonder if we are fixin to have another one of them hot dry 100 degree days summer again. And grasshoppers, worms & all kinds of little varmints are startin to show up. Ol Nellie Frecklebelly’s been doing exercises & training in case she has start doing those naked rain dances again up behind the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill….boy, I hope it don’t get that dry again.
I don’t know about ya’ll but me & ol Estee K. Bibbles, my mule barn partner, are tired of all the regulations our dang government puts on us. Now the other day, this fancy dan sucker showed up & said he was from the Labor Dept. He said he was here to check to see if we were paying the proper wages to our employees. Well, I told him there was ol Bubba that worked here at the mule barn & we paid him $600 per week & room & board. And we got a cook that we pay $500 a week plus room & board. Then we got two half-wits that put in about 18 hours a day, make about $10 a week, pay their own room & board & I buy them a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. The ol boy says”that’s the guys I want to talk to”. I said, well you are talking to them….that would be me & ol Estee K. That would be funny if it weren’t true. Dang regulations & now Obama’s Labor Dept has submitted 50 more pages including one where anyone under 16 can’t work on a farm that has a bull, stud horse, cow with a calf or a sow with suckling pigs…..now that’s shore brilliant ain’t it ???
Now speaking of regulations, have ya’ll heard about the little Sand Dune Lizard out in West Texas. The Parks & Wildlife are now checking to see if they might be an endangered species. If put on the endangered species list, you know what kind of wreck that is gonna cause. The oil consultants say it would reduce drilling & cost hundreds of jobs. Now, folks we need oil….not some little lizard. Me & ol Estee K. was wondering if you could cook the little sucker (probably taste like chicken) or mash them up & make Ethanol or something….I mean….what are the little suckers good for?? Since the government owns so much land all over the country, why don’t they round up some of them little suckers, fence off some of their land & hire a bunch more government employees to herd the little sapsuckers. That is their answer to everything isn’t it…make government bigger…never mind the loss in jobs & putting companies out of business. Folks we got to get this BS stopped & when I say we….I don’t mean I got a mouse in my pocket. Me, you & everybody got to start raising hell with these politicians & send some new ones up there that will do something about it. Well, me & ol Estee K are goin down to the Buzzard Roost Bar & Grill & have a beer & ask the cook if he has any recipes for Sand Dune Lizard !!!
Words of Wisdom from Henry J : Guns have only two enemies….rust & politicians